Adversity is an incredibly powerful force, and one we are currently facing. It bonds us in ways happiness never can:
You just got promoted? Mild applause.
You dog died? Instant support. People get it. Misery unifies.
We may not all understand each other’s humour - British sarcasm, American sitcoms. Have you ever heard “I didn’t get that joke, can you explain it?”.. but no one’s at a funeral saying “why are people crying?”. Pain is a universal language. It creates empathy and solidarity - nothing says ‘I see you’ like someone nodding and saying, ‘Oh, wow, that’s rough.’"
A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that teams experiencing shared adverse events engaged in more supportive interactions, which boosted their creativity. In other words, when we collectively experience pain, we come together, working to find new ways to overcome our challenges. It happens in organisations, in activism, in advocacy, and in the defence of our countries.
History has shown this to be true. Pain, when shared, can be a catalyst for resilience and unity. During World War II, Britain stood on the brink of collapse. Political divisions faded in the face of a common enemy. The nation rallied and people recognised their shared struggle. Rather than dividing the country, the pain of war made people more resilient.
This is what pain can do at its best - it strips away our illusions of separateness, reminding us that we are all human, all vulnerable, all capable of supporting one another. It fosters empathy, curiosity, and action. It teaches us, not just to endure, but to evolve.
Pain as a Tool for Manipulation
It can be said that pain does not always unite. In the wrong hands, it becomes a weapon.
Throughout history, controlling individuals, whether in positions of power or in our personal relationships, have understood that people in pain can be vulnerable. Fear, loss, and suffering make us more susceptible to influence. We need to all be incredibly aware that this is the place where manipulation thrives.
Sociopaths and controlling figures exploit pain by distorting it, using it to sow division rather than foster connection. They encourage us to direct our suffering outward, convincing us that “the other side” is responsible for our hardships. They create enemies where none exist, using our pain as a tool to deepen conflicts rather than resolve them.
Some media outlets contribute to this issue as well. Headlines are crafted to capture our attention and provoke outrage. Social media algorithms boost the most polarizing narratives, presenting us with stories that reinforce our biases and pain rather than encouraging critical thinking and deeper investigation. Rather than uniting people in common struggles, contemporary discourse often divides us further because division is lucrative, and fear is easily marketable. This is why sociopaths and manipulators enjoy using their own media to disseminate their messages through brief sound bites and phrases.
The Intelligence to Recognise When Pain Is Being Weaponized
So how do we guard ourselves against manipulation? The answer lies in the ability to recognise when pain is being used to control rather than to heal.
Pause Before Reacting: Ask who benefits from my outrage? Is this pain leading me toward understanding, or is it pushing me further into division?
Look for Common Ground - Instead of focusing on what separates us, we can seek what unites us. Are we being encouraged to listen and empathise, or to judge and condemn?
Question the Narrative - If someone is telling us that a group of people is responsible for all our problems, we should be sceptical. Manipulators thrive on oversimplification. Often, we need to understand that we know very little and need to seek more information. We need to look at the source of the narrative and how they are benefiting from it.
Pain Is a Choice—Not in Whether We Feel It, but in How We Use It
Pain is inevitable - but what we do with it is up to us. We can let it close us off, make us resentful, and let it divide us further. Or we can become creative, find common goals, and discover ways to use our pain to move us forward.
And surprisingly, pain can foster optimism. It can guide us toward a better path: developing empathy, resisting manipulation, and identifying authenticity.
The next time you feel the weight of pain, ask yourself: Is it being used to create an Us vs. Them mentality? Or can we take the pain and use it to become better than before?
